Faking orgasms, why you shouldn’t do it
So, I feel I have the right to write an article on this. I have faked orgasms a lot in my relationships. I know why I felt the need to do it. I also know why I should have never faked it.
So, we all know women fake orgasms sometimes, I should point out that I did see an article recently that was taking about how men do it as well. However, this article is going to be about my experience. Being female I can’t say if the same things applies when transferred to the opposite gender.
I started experimenting young, I am not sure if the age I started had something to do with the reason I felt I had to fake it. Let me explain that a bit. I had my first orgasm when I was 13 years old. It was during solo play. Me and my then best friend would discuss sex all the time.
We were very open on the subject. We even experimented with each other. One day she asked me if I had ever had an orgasm. At the time I didn’t even know what it was. After telling her I didn’t think so she laughed and said, “Oh you would know” She told me she had been using her mum’s electric razor to get off. She even showed me how to use it and where to put it for it to work.
I went off to the bathroom, wondering if this would even do anything. My first orgasm happened within seconds. To this day that was still the quickest I have ever come to climax. I’m sure this is probably the same for everyone. Even guys joke about their first time being over with before they even got started.
I ended up experimenting with all sorts of things that could bring about that feeling. I took a particular liking to the electric toothbrush and it became my favourite go to. By the time I started dating guys and having sex I had been playing around with strong vibrations for years. I believe this made an impact and the sex I was having was just not good enough to get me to that place.
I learned to enjoy the penetration and keep the orgasms for solo play. I was happy with this, after all if we were both enjoying it what was the harm?
At first, I didn’t even fake, I just enjoyed the penetration. The faking only started when one of my partners asked me if he had made me orgasm. When I said no, he got really upset. He thought he was the problem. That he wasn’t good enough. It didn’t seem to matter that I was telling him he wasn’t. I knew it took me a while to cum even with my strong vibrators. I didn’t expect anyone to be able to replicate that. I couldn’t tell him what the real reason was. How I thought my sex toy might be to blame.
He wanted to make me cum, so our next session that was his mission. I went into it with good intentions and was totally up for it. After playing with my clit for over half an hour, I could see he was getting frustrated. He switched up his hands a few times and seemed to be in discomfort. I realised he wasn’t even close and I felt so bad. That’s when it happened, I decided to fake it.
I have never seen someone look so happy with themselves. He loved the fact he had been the first. His confidence seemed to take a boost. After he left the first thing I did was play with myself. I had to finish the job myself. At the time I didn’t see the harm in it. He was happy and it seemed to make him feel good about himself.
After that it seemed the easiest thing to do, it didn’t matter what partner I was with. I hoped one day maybe someone would manage it. For now, at least I wasn’t missing out, I would have great penetrative sex and then have my solo sessions when I would have my orgasms.
I thought I was defective in some way, that maybe my clit didn’t work properly. Some of my friends were telling me how sensitive they were. How they could cum easily. Well this wasn’t me. I had a picky clit.
When I finally got with my husband this all changed. We met at a friend’s house after I had attended an Ann Summers Party. Basically, when we first had sex he knew I had purchased a few toys and was eager to see them and use them on me.
Adding toys to our session lead to my first ever orgasm in front of another person. I was so happy about it, this was the first time I didn’t fake or feel the need too. After that time, it didn’t matter if we used toys. He could get me off without the need to use them.
So, it wasn’t me and my defective clit after all. I must have gotten used to only doing this on my own. It had become normal and natural for me to keep this intimate thing to myself. After all it must be the most vulnerable a person can ever be. Once I had gotten over my first open orgasm each time after that they got easier to achieve.
My clit was still picky and it still took me a little bit of time to climax. However, I didn’t feel self-conscious anymore and I think being more mentally comfortable made all the difference.
So, was I right to fake it?
I now know that faking is the worst thing I could have done. It was bad for so many reasons. For one the poor guys I had been lying too. They were believing that what they were doing was good. I wasn’t allowing them to learn. Secondly, I wasn’t being fair to myself. I was so caught up in making sure they didn’t feel offended I was missing out on a great experience.
I never faked it because I thought they were rubbish, or to get it over with. I only ever done it with good intentions. I just liked making them feel good about themselves. I didn’t want them to think they were bad or lacked experience. I also didn’t want to have to explain why it wasn’t happening. I was unsure how to communicate my needs in the correct way.
If I could go back now, I would be more open. I would try to give it more of a chance or even introduce the toys myself. Even if it meant I needed toys to get off at least I would have been getting off. hehe.
It’s so important to have good communication. It really does make all the difference when it comes to pleasure. Stop trying so hard to please others and let’s all start trying to please ourselves. We all go on and on about how men need to pay us more attention. Don’t get me wrong I do agree, but I think sexual intimacy should be equally satisfying.
I also believe that the best way to get there is not only to think about your partner but yourself. If you know what you want to ask for it. I have never been in a situation when a man has guided me to something he liked and it’s felt awkward for me. So why would it be any different for him? I would much rather be told that what I am doing is wrong than to spend my life doing something that didn’t work.
Pleasuring my husband is a big turn on for me, knowing that he loves what I’m doing to him. Communication is the biggest secret to our amazing love life. I communicate to him when something feels good and let him know when it’s just not doing it for me. If he’s off target I guide him to the bullseye.
My husband is always telling me how men are simple creatures and just want to be told what to do. He says they don’t like guess work just tell them what to do and they will do it. I should clarify that what he meant was to tell your partner what feels good or not, so they can just do it instead of fumbling about in the dark trying to guess. I try telling him what to do in everyday life and it never works so the same statement obviously does not apply to just day to day activities. hehe.
I guess I can’t argue with that and as a woman can’t say that I feel any different. Maybe us women are simple creatures too. We too are happier when we know what our man likes. It gives us confidence and makes us feel more confident in our abilities.
We all need to end the sex taboo and start talking about what we like and don’t like. We all need to find our inner kinks and allow ourselves to be open about our sexual needs and desires. In the end we all just want to be pleasured and in return pleasure our partners back.
We all deserve to experience the pleasure of orgasm both on our own and with our lovers. Unfortunately, when we fake them we are repressing not only our pleasure but our partners as well.
Go on go forth and stop faking, the real thing is so much better.
Thanks for reading