How to approach the subject of sex toys.



So i am going to assume the reason for you reading this post, is because you want to try sex toys, and maybe you dont know how to bring the subject up with your partner.

Well if this is the case then please keep reading and i will do my very best to help. If for some other reason you have decided to read my post, maybe need to waste a bit of time in your lunch break, then i will try to make sure its not a waste of your time.

I love sex toys and don’t have a problem purchasing a new one to add a little more excitement to my bedroom shenanigans. I have been with the same partner for over 13yrs, so as you would expect bringing up the subject of sex toys is really comfortable and easy. However it hasn’t always been like this for me. Before i was with my current partner i would tend to shy away from the subject if my then partner didn’t bring it up.

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Even with my bed drawer full of lovely delights i would keep a lid on it. What i was doing was suppressing my sexual desires, which ultimately lead to not being completely sexually satisfied. NOT GOOD!. I would struggle to reach climax and would often need to fake. What i really wanted more than anything was to have a very pleasurable experience with my partner, an honest and full out orgasim. Instead it was very one sided and lacked the Oohs i required.

So what did i do to change this?

Well i got with this guy who was an amazing lover, he seemed very happy to demonstrate his skills. Like me he was into things no one would dare mention. As experienced as he was, the elusive Oohs just did not come. I was very frustrated with this. Why was this guy who was obviously very skilled not able to make me climax?

Okay so i decided i wanted to introduce my little bedroom buddies but just how was i going to approach the subject, Ehh can we use toys? hehe. okay so thinking about this now, that probably would have worked just as well, but then im a lot older now and have a lot more experience talking about my sexual desires. I am also aware now, that most people will be up for the idea of adding a little something extra into their love life.

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Now i am not saying you should do the exact thing as i did, especially as i think there are much better ways, but i will let you all know anyway, as i felt it was rather witty. hehe.

So basically i told my partner that i was thinking of going to my friends Ann Summers party, i asked him if he was okay with me going, basically i just wanted to gauge his reaction. He told me he was happy for me to go as long as he could help me decide what i would buy. Hell Yeah this went well, hehe, so this is how i managed to open my sex drawer and invite my partner in.

Today i have a lot more experience on the subject. I feel i can offer up a few more tips on how to approach the subject of sex toys with your lover.

If the thought of just asking your lover straight out, if they would like to use sex toys scares you then there are some subtle hints you could use or at least mention to gauge their reactions.

  • I got this email today, it was about sex toys some of them looked okay.
  • Me and my friend where having a right laugh at work today, he/she bought a sex toy and he/she was telling me a funny story about.
  • Walking by a Ann Summers store in town. Would you like to have a look in there?
  • My friend was telling me today about this toy she bought and how good it was, wouldn’t mind giving it a try myself.

If hinting is not your style, you could start by having a, after sex chat. Tell your lover how much you enjoyed it and how good it made you feel. Ask then if there is anything else they would like you to do next time. Even if they say “no, it was all good”, chances are they will ask you the same question. At this point you can bring up sex toys. The good thing about this is,  it has been proven that you feel more comfortable and relaxed after sex. With this in mind this chat wont seem as daunting. Most likely your partner will be well up for the idea and happy you brought it up.

Another good time to approach the subject would be during sexting with your partner. Usually this is all about telling your lover what you would like to do to them, or them telling you what they will do to you. What better time is there to drop in a line like… “I cant wait to get my hands on you tonight, i want you to drive me wild, i would love to see you fuck me hard with a dildo” or something along those lines.

I think the main thing to remember is that, once you bring up the subject of sex, no matter what context, talking about your sexual fantasies and sex related products is much easier. The conversation can flow. So next time you are watching a naughty movie, having a flirty chat or starting a steamy session, bring up the subject and you will be surprised at how well it is received.

If you still feel like all of these things are just too much, i would ask you if you feel comfortable with your partner? No one wants you to do anything you are not comfortable with, but when you find the right lover and have a lot of trust, you can be vulnerable without fear of being hurt. Maybe your issue is not how to approach the subject of sex toys. Maybe your issue is that at this moment you are not quite comfortable enough with your lover to express your desires. There is nothing wrong with this of course, all relationships develop at different rates. If this is the case for you, why dont you wait until it happens naturally? Play with your toys in your own privacy. Once you feel comfortable enough i am sure you will find approaching the subject easier.

My final thoughts on this are, sometimes its easier just to get right to the point. Ask your partner straight out if they would be happy to give sex toys a try. This way you will have a straight YES/NO answer. Even if the answer is not what you were hoping for, at least you have opened up the dialogue and can explore it more from there.

I really do hope this post has helped you even just a little. I wish you well in all your future sex toy adventures.

If you have any stories regarding your experiences with this topic, i would love to hear about them. Please post this is the comments section below and maybe you could help someone else out there too.


I am not an expert, always seek professional help where applicable. The opinions on this post are my own, this post has been written from my personal experience or knowledge. I do not take any responsibility if my advice or the products I recommend don’t work for you. Everyone is different therefore it is impossible for me to know if the product or advice I give will suit your needs. These are just my personal experiences and accounts, and are intended to be used only as a reference.


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