Why your mind stops you having the orgasms you crave
You would be surprised at just how many women tell me they can’t reach climax with their current partner. Surprisingly this is not due to a lack of experience or good quality sex. No this comes down to more of a performance anxiety of sorts.
Have you ever been in the throws of passion and you just cant seem to enjoy it? Well you are not alone. I have so many women tell me that they just get too caught up in their own heads. The most common problem being that they are thinking too much about what they look like.
I cant lie, i have been there, as a women i find that there are times during sex that my mind gets too fixated on the well, let’s say unimportant stuff because that’s exactly what it is. I will lay there thinking does my stomach look big at this angle, do my thighs seem too chunky. Should i be making more noises. You get the point right?
Sometimes i spend so much time worrying about all the little details that i miss the bigger picture. If i was to concentrate more on what is actually happening, i might just be able to enjoy it enough to cum. When we think about the pleasurable feelings and really just be in the moment, well thats where the magic happens.
People assume that if you get touched in a certain place it’s inevitable that you will climax but this is just not true. The signal of pleasure has to be processed through the mind. When you touch these pleasure spots, a signal is passed to the brain. The brain then processes this signal and thats where your pleasure comes from.
The brain is an amazing and very complex organ, it’s highly underrated when it comes to sexual pleasures. With so much emphasis today on the clit, G Spot, prostate and oral pleasures, the main event is often overlooked. Truth be told, you wont orgasm if your mind is not in the game along with you.
If you find that you often struggle to climax then maybe you should give this some consideration. Many women i talk with think they have a problem or that their clit just doesn’t work. Usually after chatting for a little while it becomes apparent. These women don’t have an issue with their sexual organs but more they’re too caught up in their own heads.
Well thats all good and well, but what can you do to change it?
I think the main thing you can do is recognise that you’re doing this in the first place. You can’t fix a problem that you cant recognise. If you find you are distracted during intercourse and this is preventing you from climax. There are a few things you can do to help. Its really all about recognising that your mind is wandering at the time. If during sex or oral stimulation you notice you have started to wonder a bit, try and bring your mind back in the game. Its about being mindful.
Try to concentrate on what is happening in the moment, look at whats going on, visual stimulation can be a great help. When we watch during sex or oral our brains are a lot more stimulated. It becomes harder to think about other things. Closing your eyes may well make you feel more comfortable but this allows your brain an escape from reality.
Think about what the sensations feel like. If it’s a soft touch or hard? warm or cold? By giving yourself the permission to really enjoy the feelings, your mind will have no choice but to allow the signals to pass through.
Listen to the sounds that are going on, is your partner breathing heavy? are you? Listen to the other noises going on. I know for me personally i love the noise that a wet pussy can make. That noise alone can get me going. Noise can play a very important role when it comes to sexual pleasure. Its often how we know our lover is enjoying what we are doing. I have had a few sexual encounters that were almost silent. For me i found this horrible. I like to make my husband moan. Its a great indicator to me that im doing something right. Even just him heavy breathing in my ear whilst playing with me is well mmmmm.
I can guarantee this has worked for other people and can work for you too. If you are mindful during sex or oral pleasures, its easier for the brain to react to stimulant. I know that for me i can totally switch off when my husband is touching my pleasure zones. You may have heard of the joke that goes around about guys. They say they can try and hold off from climax by thinking of something that turns them off. I know that for my husband the visual stimulant can sometimes get to be too much and he will have to stop looking to help prolong him. Again the mind is in play here, if we can prolong our climax then surely we can put a halt to it altogether.
Next time you think you are struggling to climax, ask yourself if your mind is stopping you. Are you letting your mind wander to things like what you look like, or if your partner is enjoying it, or what they are thinking? If the answer is yes then try to be more mindful. I can assure you, if its your mind thats getting in the way then by adopting the strategies above you should find you are comfortably climaxing in no time at all.
If after trying this you still cant climax, i recommend you seek medical advice, there are a few medical conditions that can cause this. Its better to get this checked to rule these issues out.
I really hope this article can help you reach your true climax potential and help you use your mind in a much more productive manner.