I thought I would share with you my most embarrassing sexual experience and why I feel it dented my confidence and nearly broke my marriage.
After I had been married for seven years me and KD found we were going through a dry patch. I had gained a lot of weight after having our children and my confidence was rather low. KD wasn’t really helping matters by acting like I didn’t exist. By this I mean we were more like friends than lovers. I remember at the time we had no physical contact, kissing and touching was off the cards. We would have sex around once every few months, it wasn’t even like we had an excuse. Neither of us even mentioned it and it had seemed to be part of normal life. It was like we had just adapted or grown to accept it.
The distance between us only made my insecurities worse. I didn’t blame him for not wanting me, I wasn’t exactly what he signed up for. He had married a slim, long blonde haired, curvy girl, and I was defiantly some long ways away from that. I was now an overweight, short haired, brunette. I really longed for him to want me like he used too. There was a time when he couldn’t keep his hands off me and the mere sight of me made him hard. Now I struggled to get a hug.
I remember not wanting to bring the subject up and being worried that if I did he would have to come clean and admit he didn’t fancy me anymore. It was hard enough thinking it without him confirming my worst fears. I tried hard to dismiss my thoughts, but his actions only strengthened them.
I decided one day that I had to do something, this was not going to fix itself. In the past when I wanted to spice things up I would dress up for him so this seemed a great place to start. How wrong could I have been.
I bought a new sexy secretary outfit my husband’s favourite and a nice long blonde wig. If this doesn’t get him going then I don’t know what will. The plan seemed to work and I got his attention. Everything was going well and we really got into it. Finally, I thought. Whilst making love I removed the wig. KD didn’t seem to like this and tried to put it back on. I tried again to remove it and yet again he seemed insistent that I wear it. I gave in and kept it on.
Afterwards I felt so ashamed, I was heartbroken. My husband didn’t really want to sleep with me, I had to dress up and be different to turn him on. I can’t even tell you how much pain this caused me. My confidence was majorly dented.
Over the next few days I tried to push it to the back of my head. Even if I was right and this was the case what could I do about it? I didn’t want to split up and I wasn’t about to get in shape or grow long hair overnight. The best thing I could do was try to muddle by.
Maybe I should give it a shot again but this time I shouldn’t go with the wig or pretend to be someone else. This time I would go au natural but I would tart myself up. I waited for him to go out to the shops one night and hurried to get ready. I put some makeup on, grabbed one of his shirts and tie, a pair of stockings and high heels. I positioned myself in a provocative pose on the sofa eagerly awaiting his return.
When he came home, I remember I got butterflies he walked in the door with a lot of bags and walked straight passed me into the kitchen muttering to me what he had got and how I should go see. I sat there for a second in shock. He didn’t even look at me.
I was so embarrassed, what was I going to do now. The disappointment seeped through me. I couldn’t go through to the kitchen now, that would have been too awkward. Eh hey, look what you missed. No, I just couldn’t take the shame. I ran upstairs quickly, got changed into my nightdress and removed my makeup. I didn’t even mention it to him, well not then anyway.
A few days later I had not recovered. My mind had been racing and I was broken inside. I had to talk to him and tell him how I felt. I couldn’t continue like this. I finally managed to get the courage to sit down with him and share my feelings.
I told him how I had dressed up for him and he hadn’t even noticed. How I was worried maybe he wasn’t attracted to me anymore. After a good chat my worst fear came true and he admitted that maybe I was right. Maybe he didn’t find me as attractive. I have never felt pain like it. It was as if someone had reached into my chest and ripped out my heart. I felt physically sick. I hated who I had become. I tried to suck it up, act like it was okay and that we could work on it. I couldn’t believe the man I had married could be so harsh and shallow.
Over the next few weeks we carried on as we had before. Only now he had introduced me to one of his old friends. I won’t lie he was a very good-looking guy. After chatting with him a few times we exchanged numbers.
At first, we just chatted about every day stuff like what we had been up to that day. Then little by little we started to flirt. I was so caught up in the feeling of being wanted. I felt alive again. This guy found me attractive, he would tell me how much he wanted to fuck me. I got such a buzz, the more he complimented me the more I craved.
For the first time in a long time I felt sexy and wanted. We became closer over the next few weeks and had been secretly meeting. When we meet up he would jump in my car and we would sit and chat. We never actually touched but we would chat about how we wanted too.
Eventually it got to a point where he became frustrated. He wanted to take it to the next level. I found myself in an awkward situation. I still really loved KD he had always been the one for me. As much as he had gone off me, I didn’t go off him. I didn’t want intimacy from his friend I wanted it from him.
I realised I was faced with two choices. On one hand I could go through with the affair when I didn’t really want to, or on the other hand I could try and fight for my marriage and tell KD all about what me and his so-called friend had been up too,
I could hope he would be understanding and maybe we could start to fix our marriage. I had to fight for us, I couldn’t give up on us that easy, my love for him was stronger than I had ever felt before and I wasn’t prepared to let it go.
We did manage to get through it and after him finding out about the near miss affair he put a lot more effort in. He tried to understand why It had come to this. That I needed him to show me affection and to crave me like he did before.
In the end it made us so much stronger and more open. I still struggled for a long time with confidence and avoided any dress up scenarios. Eventually I managed to get back into shape. I grow out my hair and coloured it blonde. I must say this was not because KD wanted me too. He became very attentive and always supported me no matter what I looked like. Even today when I have a change of style or my weight fluctuates he never fails to give me compliments and try it on.
We can now indulge in dress up once again and my confidence has grown. I now know that no matter what I look like my husband is always going to make the effort to make me feel loved, sexy and beautiful.
My story goes to show that dressing up for your partner in the wrong circumstance could do more harm than good.
Thanks for reading my story