My sex toy broke whilst still inside me
So, what do you do if your sex toy breaks inside you? Well for one don’t worry it’s not going to get lost in there.
So, I have written a lot of blogs lately with a rather serious tone, so I thought I would write one with a little more humour.
My toy broke
Well basically I had a sex toy break in situ and I thought I should share my story so that if this ever happens to anyone else they don’t panic in the way I did hehe.
My favourite sex toy at the time was a rabbit, I won’t lie it had been well and truly used and abused. Every chance I had I would use it, sometimes for hours on end. I had it for quite a while like 2 years at least. I had been through so many batteries the guy at my local newsagents used to asked me if I needed them when I went in for my paper.
I was having a particularly good session one Friday afternoon. Well the kids were at their grandparents and I was home alone and bored, what else was I going to do?
I remember that I climaxed and afterwards the toy felt slightly different, I removed it and to my horror the toy had split down the side. Now if you don’t know why this is a bad thing or don’t know what a rabbit is let me explain.
The picture here is of a rabbit, they have a lot of little metal balls inside that rotate to create pleasurable feelings at the base of the shaft.
(Please note this is not the rabbit in question although I now wish I had taken a picture) This is the newer style with plastic balls.
Okay so now you are caught up, the material had split down the side and only a few of these balls where left inside it. I am going to guess that when I came to climax I squeezed so hard that I caused it to tear. It was very old and used remember so can’t really blame the manufacturer for this.
Panic set in
So anyway, back to my dilemma, at this point I started to panic, fuck what was I going to do? I put a finger inside me and I could feel the little suckers moving about. They were very slippery, so I couldn’t get a hold of them, all that seemed to be happening was I was pushing them further inside.
The panic set in, I jumped up maybe gravity would help, I was on my knees pushing with all my might. A few of the balls popped out. Yes, it’s working, I spent the next 15 mins trying out all different positions, but the rest were not having any of it. The panic was back again. I am so glad I was alone at this point, I can only imagine what I must have looked like. I knew I hadn’t got them all as I was aware of how many balls where in the toy.
Okay I thought let’s try the toilet, I sat on the toilet pushing and pushing I’m surprised I didn’t take a shit. After an hour of poking and prodding and squeezing and weird positions. It hit me, oh no I couldn’t get them all out, I would have to go to the doctors.
How the hell was I going to be able to explain this one?
Time to get the doctor
I phoned up my local GPs and asked for an emergency appointment, like always the receptionist asked what they problem was, yeah like I was going to tell her. “Eh I’ve just got lots of my dildo balls stuck inside me” hehe. No chance I still hadn’t decided how I was going to explain it to the doctor. So, I settled on “I have really bad pain in my lady bits”, It was good enough to get me an appointment in an hour.
When I turned up at the clinic I took a seat in the waiting room. Still trying to think of a way in making it sound less embarrassing than it was.
Then my worst fear came true one of the male GPs shouted my name. I got up and asked him if it was possible to see a female doctor and he told me there was no appointments left for the day and not to worry he would take good care of me. Yeah cause that’s what was worrying me.
Once we were in the room he asked me ” so how can I help you today?” I didn’t even know where to start, all the time I had been waiting to see him I still hadn’t come up with one single thing that sounded even slightly okay. I paused then said, “I have had a little accident downstairs, and it’s kind of embarrassing” he told me not to worry and that he was sure he had heard it all before. Yeah sure mate well I bet you haven’t heard this.
I thought it was best at this point to just spit it out. I could see from the expression on his face that this was the first time he had heard this. hehe. He was great and didn’t laugh which at least in some way made it a little less awkward.
So, he got me up on the bed and said he would go get the nurse to help, he would examine me and see if he could get the little balls out himself, so I didn’t need to go to the hospital. I was totally happy with that, let’s hope he could get them out the less people who knew the better. The nurse came in and looked at me with such sympathy. Okay so at least she felt sorry for me, I just hoped she used sex toys too. I swear I wished the ground would open and swallow me.
He started to examine me and said, “oh yeah I can feel them” I must have been the colour of a tomato at this point. He managed to remove all the leftover balls much to my delight, now I could go home and lick my wounds. He said that if I got an infection I may have to go on antibiotics but luckily for me this never happened. He sent me off with a few last words of wisdom ” Maybe check the toys over next time before using them, just to be sure”. hehe, I can laugh about it now but can assure you at the time I was mortified.
It was all okay
So, everything turned out okay in the end the little balls removed no infection, even if my pride was a little dented.
I think my biggest fear was that I wouldn’t ever get them out, what if they rusted up inside me. Well I can say to anyone who might find themselves in a similar situation is go get help. As embarrassing as it might be for you doctors have seen similar things in the past and even if they haven’t like in my case, at least you know they can help,
Yes, your pride might get a little bashed and it might be the most embarrassing and awkward thing you will have ever been through but it’s better to seek medial assistance.
Hell, I went on to be a sex toy tester, so it couldn’t have been that traumatic, right? I have to say this is the only time a sex toy has malfunctioned on me which makes the odds of this happening very unlikely. Trust me when I say I have had a lot of sex toys over the years.
Don’t let one bad experience stop you from enjoying sex toys in the future. Do what I done, put it down to a very misfortunate experience and move on. Plus, sex toys are made to a much higher quality these days so the chances of them splitting or breaking is a lot less likely.
I hope I have managed to bring a smile to your face or made you laugh at my expense, after all that’s what this blog was all about.
If you have any embarrassing sex toy stories that you would like to share, please comment below I’d love to hear them.
Thanks for reading
I am not an expert, always seek professional help where applicable. The opinions on this post are my own, this post has been written from my personal experience or knowledge. I do not take any responsibility if my advice or the products I recommend don’t work for you. Everyone is different therefore it is impossible for me to know if the product or advice I give will suit your needs. These are just my personal experiences and accounts, and are intended to be used only as a reference.