My Guide to help you with anal sex
So as a sex blogger i get asked a lot of questions, i try to write up a blog about the ones i get asked most often and anal sex seems to be a popular one right now. So i am going to give you some of our tips on anal sex.
One of the questions i got was:
I WANT TO TRY ANAL BUT I JUST CANT AS IT’S SO PAINFUL TO EVEN INSERT A FINGER.CAN YOU HELP ME?
Okay i want to start by saying, Yes there is going to be some discomfort until you get used to it. When i first started having anal sex, i found it very uncomfortable to start with. I don’t recommend you just jam a big cock in there straight away. This will cause you great discomfort and worse maybe put you off the idea forever. You will always want to start off slowly and small. There are a wide range of trainer kits that are now available to help you get started in this area. I recommend you purchase one of these. However if you don’t want to spend any of your hard earned cash then fear not, i can still help. I should also mention, allow not available when i started having anal sex, you can now buy anal numbing gels and lubes. Something you might also want to check out.
I think the most important thing to remember is that the anus/sphincster is a very strong muscular area. It is meant to stop poo just falling out at inappropriate times. So as valuable as it is, it does pose a few problems when the one way traffic becomes two way. It is natural for us to tighten up this muscle when we try to insert anything into it.
Okay well that’s all good but how do we move forward?
I would suggest you buy a good quality lube either numbing or not depending on your preference. The anus is not lubricated like the vagina is, so you are going to need to artificially incorporate that. The last thing you want is to be going in dry, as this will cause a lot of discomfort and friction. NOT WHAT YOU WANT I CAN ASSURE YOU. You could start with just a finger or if you are super adventurous you could go straight for a dildo or cock. I actually did this so it is possible. Just saying hehe.
You will want to try and relax as much as possible. You are going to find this really difficult if you dont. Very slowly start to insert finger/plug or dildo/cock. Just in about a few millimeters. Hold it there for a second. Once you feel that the discomfort has eased do the same again. At this point if the pain is just too unbearable, especially if just using a finger, i suggest the anal numbing gels. They are going to help you a lot. Go out and buy some then try these steps again. You should continue to ease in slowly and gently until completely inserted.
At this point you wont want to just start banging away. Trust me on this one, unless you are super comfortable this can cause a lot of discomfort. You will want to continue to take things really slow. I find that after a few really slow thrusts i have usually got used to all the sensations and can start to really enjoy them. I think the best way to describe it would be to say: It will be painful to start but once in and going the feelings can give great pleasure.
At this point if only using a finger try something a little bigger like a small bullet vibrator or butt plug. Butt plugs come in all shapes and sizes, get a few different ones so you can work up to the bigger ones in your own time. If however you have been able to blitz this and went straight for the cock/dildo and enjoyed it, then well done glad i could help and enjoy. If however this step has not been as straight forward then that’s okay a lot of people are in the same situation.
One of my best friends came out to me when he was younger. I was really happy he had decided to have trust and faith in me to do so. He knew i was already participating in anal and he wanted some help on how to achieve this. After a lot of failed attempts at both finger and butt plug, he was very frustrated. I think he saw it as something he was going to have to be good at and like to be a Gay man. Obviously i tried to reassure him that it’s okay to feel such discomfort regardless of his sexual orientations. I actually wonder how many gay men feel like this when they first realise they are gay.
Anyway i am getting a bit off track. We went to a sex shop in town which sold mostly Same sex toys and accessories. He was a little embarrassed to be asking questions so in stepped me. I spoke to the openly gay man behind the desk, who by the way was amazing. He told my friend to try using an ice cube to numb down there a bit, or to try using the butt plugs whilst in the bath. Now these are not techniques i have personal experience with, however i am going to assume that the ice was to numb, whereas the heat of the bath may have been to relax they anus. Well i will cut to the chase, basically my friend was able to take his biggest butt plug within a week. He told me that the bath had been the best place for him and where he felt most comfortable. Skip forward another few weeks and my friend was having full on anal sex. Yippie!!! Yes i was so proud, it was like watching my children come home from there first day at school. hehe.
The point i am trying to make here is that most people will find this difficult. I have tried this with my husband on a few occasions and he just doesn’t like it. Even just the tip of a finger gives him such intense pain. He now states he no longer wants to give it a go and for him any anal stimulation is off the cards. Obviously i accepted this and now it’s not even mentioned. I get a lot of pleasure from anal so he is happy to keep that one sided.
So you just need to remember everyone is different. If you find it painful or have any emotional discomfort maybe this is not for you. I hate marmite, i don’t keep trying it again and again in the hopes that one day i will enjoy it on my toast. Give yourself permission to admit this might not be for you. NOT MY BAG BABY.
If you don’t have any issues with the mental aspect of things, then remember the most important thing is to not be hard on yourself. Anal sex takes patience and practice. Always start off slow and small. Work your way up. AND STAY RELAXED.
I don’t recommend allowing someone else to do this too you. Try starting with solo play. The lack of control you have when allowing someone else to penetrate you will be immense, i only advise this if you are very trusting and vocal with your partner.
Okay so i think that about covers it RELAX,WET, SLOW, START OFF SMALL, SOLO, WORKUP TO THE REAL THING,ICE CUBES, HOT BATH, NUMBING GELS AND BUTT PLUG TRAINING KITS.
I really hope this helps you achieve anal sex and that you enjoy it as much as i do.
Thanks for reading
I am not an expert, always seek professional help where applicable. The opinions on this post are my own, this post has been written from my personal experience or knowledge. I do not take any responsibility if my advice or the products I recommend don’t work for you. Everyone is different therefore it is impossible for me to know if the product or advice I give will suit your needs. These are just my personal experiences and accounts, and are intended to be used only as a reference.