What do you class as cheating?
This is a topic which a lot of people debate. Before the internet and mobile phones cheating was when someone engaged in sexual activities with someone other than their partner. However today with modern technology and the ability to both text and chat with people over the internet the lines seem to have gotten a little blurred.
So, for me cheating involves physical contact, I believe that to cheat on my husband I would have to be with another man in a physical intimate manner. Kissing, touching, masturbating online and then obviously having sexual penetration. However, I am aware that my husband defines cheating as something different.
He thinks that cheating is when you interact with another person on or offline in a sexual manner, meaning that if I was to engage in sexting with another man he would class that as me cheating.
Now given that we both have a different idea of what cheating is, you can see how this could have a negative impact on our marriage? Well that has not been the case, me and my husband have sat down and discussed what we both class as cheating. I now know how he feels about the situation so know not to cross that line. Our cheating code is no longer blurred. I know what his limits are so I’m not going to be getting myself in any trouble.
I have a friend that found her boyfriend watching porn and she was furious with him because in her mind this was cheating. I wouldn’t mind my husband doing this, well I might wonder why he was doing it without me but that’s another story hehe.
Another male friend of mine divorced his wife because he found out she was sexting another man. For me sexting is not a problem. However, if I was to discover my husband on the internet masturbating to a live cam girl I would have him kicked out fairly pronto. This is another person and is very physical as far as I am concerned, that girl is getting him off. Sexting for me is just him using his imagination and because of that I don’t think it has much of an impact on me.
What are you feeling?
The way everyone determines what they class as cheating, is based on what feelings it stirs up in them when they think about the situation. When I think of my husband sexting another girl I don’t really have any bad feelings come up. In fact, I don’t have any feelings about it at all. Maybe this is because one of my previous jobs was a sex chat operator and I am aware that it didn’t really mean anything to me. I could sext guys all day and never get turned on.
However, when I think of him chatting live with a girl who is naked and touching herself on camera, I have negative feelings about that and have a lot of questions come up. Like why does he need to look at another woman when he has me? Is he not being satisfied by me?
What is classed as cheating?
So, to answer the question of what is classed as cheating, I think it’s different for everyone. I think the best thing you can do is work out what you class it as and then have an open and honest conversation with your partner about it. That way even if you disagree you will both know where you stand.
I know if I was to start sexting a guy my husband would see this as cheating therefore I will never do it. It also means that we both have a very clear boundary and know right from wrong. If he was to ever catch me doing it, of course he has the right to call me a cheat and end the relationship.
It’s important in any relationship to discuss each other’s feelings on important issues like this one. I only need to look back on my failed relationships to see how having this discussion might have helped.
One of my exs thought that cheating was when you had sex with another girl. He had been out one night and was caught on camera making out with this girl. When my friend showed me, I was livid. When I confronted him he didn’t hide it, in fact he seemed to be trying to make his point that he hadn’t done anything wrong. Obviously, I classed it as cheating and he didn’t. So, our relationship was over.
I remember him saying to me that he didn’t know I felt like that. I thought it was obviously cheating and anyone would think it was. But talking to a few people about it a few of them seemed to be firmly in his corner. I believe that if we had sat down and discussed this he would have known it was cheating to me and he may have not crossed that line.
At least if we had this conversation prior to the incident and he still made out with her he wouldn’t have any excuse.
So, I really do believe that in any new relationship this is a topic that should be discussed, that way you both know where you stand.
So, what is cheating? Its whatever you think it is.
Thanks for reading
I am not an expert, always seek professional help where applicable. The opinions on this post are my own, this post has been written from my personal experience or knowledge. I do not take any responsibility if my advice or the products I recommend don’t work for you. Everyone is different therefore it is impossible for me to know if the product or advice I give will suit your needs. These are just my personal experiences and accounts, and are intended to be used only as a reference.